Decisions, decisions…

I’ve posted much of this on Facebook, but I wanted to have it all together, in one page, so I can go back and read it when I feel down and out. So this is mostly me, thinking out loud. Sort of.

Yesterday I got as close to quitting this writing thing as ever. I mean, I wrote my out email to my publishing sisters and all.

I’ve been published since 2012, and can count the months I’ve made more than $100 off my writing on the fingers on one hand. As a wife, mom, full-time employee, and part-time editor, I can’t justify spending the time I do weaving and writing stories—time I steal from everything else I should be doing—for this little return. And then there’s the fact that I haven’t felt like writing in days. The instability of the world is taking a toll on my creativity, and I find it increasingly hard to lose myself into a fictional world.

What stopped me is that I can’t not write. I can’t keep the voices in my head. I need to let them out. I need to know my characters and their lives. Some times I find myself wondering if Cherry is still enjoying herself. I made sure she’s certain of her choices, but what happens next? What’s her daily routine like? Is everything calm, or are the mysteries she solves putting her in danger? And what about Constantine? And Alex? And the girls? There are more stories to be told in that universe, especially because I like my HEA, and not everyone has got one yet.

And then there are the other ideas, about the woman who thinks something is wrong with her, because she wants more than her perfect marriage (really perfect—her husband gives her no reason to be dissatisfied, and she truly loves him) and she’s tempted by her brother in law. And of course there’s the Greek career woman who runs into a Texan cowboy in Coastal Athens and decides to skip work for the first day ever.

I have to write these stories. And if I write them, I may as well publish them. Right? I mean that’s what I’ve been doing.

Only, I’ve been doing it wrong, because every release day I go from hopeful to disillusioned to depressed. And then I start all over again. I have to break the cycle.

I sat and wondered what I’ve been doing wrong. Why I haven’t been getting sales. And as conceited as it may sound, I don’t believe the reason is the quality of my work. It’s what an author friend has been telling me for a while—if you want to live off writing, you need to treat is as a business.

That doesn’t mean I’ll start writing things I don’t love, because they sell. It means I’ll try to focus on the selling part of publishing, as well as the creative. It’ll be hard, because I suck at promoting myself. Still, I want to give it a proper try, and part of that is by no longer half-assing this blog. I don’t know if you’ve noticed (or if there’s a you still reading), but I dropped out of the Silken Sheets and Seduction team. I couldn’t stick to my commitment twice a month, because I didn’t think I had anything interesting to share.

Please help me fix that? I will more that appreciate any suggestion!

What do you want to see me post more of?